I was filled with a deep and cavernous void

A testimony from Kaspar.* (Read the follow-up post from Alys.)

Ever since I was a child, I thought I was a Christian. I lived my life how I wanted, spent a lot of time at wild parties and did everything that I thought was fun. I thought I was living life to the fullest. All of this went “well” for a while, but when a long-term relationship broke down I began asking myself what the meaning of life really was. Nothing was fulfilling anymore. Initially, I didn’t find a satisfactory answer to these questions and so I was filled with a deep and cavernous void. Everything seemed pointless to me–having a family, going to work or making a lot of money. When my father became seriously ill I asked myself where he would go after his death. I did believe in a heaven and a hell, but I still couldn’t be really sure. I became ever more depressed and could even understand people who had committed suicide. Life made absolutely no sense.

When my mother found out about my state of mind, she asked if I had any relationship with Jesus at all. I didn’t understand what Jesus had to do with my problems. Upon my mother’s recommendation, I read a book she gave me. One sentence in that book said something like this: “One isn’t a Christian, because one donates a little money once a month and is generally a good citizen.” It was then that I realized that I wasn’t a Christian, as I had thought I was. I wanted to know how to become a Christian. Then the author went on to say that man’s greatest problem was his sin, but I didn’t understand this.

During this time I was meeting with Alys*, my study partner from university and we had frequent discussions about God. She gave me the book.  Der Fremde auf dem Weg nach Emmaus (The Stranger on the Road to Emmaus in German). I read the book in one sitting. As I read the explanation of Gen 3:15 I noticed two things: first God really loves people, and second I understood why Jesus Christ came into the world. I also recognized that I was a helpless sinner and that he died for me personally. The fact that the curtain had been torn in two upon Jesus’ death meant, now the way to God is open!

At the end of the book the reader is asked, “Will you recognize and believe in Jesus as your own personal saviour–the one who has paid your sin-debt?” I believed and immediately felt that a heavy burden had been lifted from me. The inner void and sadness disappeared too. This was replaced by a deep peace in my heart and I was full of joy. I knew straight away, that should I die now, I would go to be with God.

Then I noticed that my home contained films, music and certain periodicals that would not be pleasing to God, so I gradually let go of these things. I was also compelled to pray and read my Bible. The author of the book explained that if I wanted to live my life for God, then it would be important for me to go to a church, where the people believed the Bible to be God’s Word. As neither my study partner, who had also recently found new life in Jesus, or myself knew of such a church, we prayed that God would lead us to the right place. Shortly after this, Alys was rushed to hospital with arrhythmia. The paramedic asked if she was afraid. To which Alys replied, “No, because I believe in God.” It turned out that the paramedic was also a Christian, and so it was through him that we started attending his church. We are still members of that church to this day.

(* All names changed as per GoodSeed policy.)

 

Photo credit: Matías Ávalos on flickr